Let’s cut right to the chase. Recently, many absolute maniacs got together in an online discussion over the worst things they’ve ever stuck their fingers in. I have the unenviable task of arranging some of the very worst into list form. Here we go!
1. Your Friend’s Mouth
Well, we’re kicking off this list with a doozy. I’m glad I don’t have friends like this. “My homie was sleeping with his mouth open and me, drunk, decided it was a good idea to put my finger in his mouth,” one man reports. “He started sucking it and then woke up. Then we looked at each others eyes not knowing what’s happening. One of the most uncomfortable experiences in our lives.”
2. A Car’s Cigarette Lighter
Many people confess to sticking their fingers into the cigarette lighter of their car. Subsequently, many people regret sticking their fingers into the cigarette lighter of their car. I’m shocked how many people think an intense burning sensation wouldn’t be the logical endpoint of such an action!
3. A Human Brain
Sometimes when you dedicate your life to helping others experiencing an emergency, your fingers go into places you never thought they’d go. “Fire/EMT here, didn’t know a guy put a gun to his head,” one brave soul recounts. “I noticed he had bleeding from the head so I went to put a bandage on it, and my finger went into the hole in his head. So now I know what brains feel like.”
4. A Clogged Drain
If you have a clogged drain in your shower, the sheer amount of hair that has amassed will shock you. So many people admit to sticking their fingers down the drain only to produce a disgusting amount of hair and body matter once they pull their fingers out. This is the definition of gross, people!
5. A Belly Button
“This obese guy I met at some parties many years back always got undressed down to his underwear when he got drunk. So this one time i stuck my finger in his bellybutton and ended up smelling my finger afterwards.. i had to run down to the toilet to vomit due to the intense smell.”
6. An Electrical Outlet
Call it an ode to Charles Darwin’s theory on natural selection, but many people tell tales of sticking their fingers into an electric outlet. Unsurprisingly, these stories all end the same: filled with profanities and plenty of “I can’t believe I almost died” sentiments.
7. A Rotten Potato
Working at a food bank is admirable, but causing a rotten stench to waft throughout the building is not! “I remember sorting potatoes at a food bank,” confesses one worker. “I didn’t realize they were rotten. Anyway, my finger went into one and released the most horrendous smell.”
8. The Propeller of a Remote-Controlled Plane
In the 1980s, toy safety standards weren’t exactly up to snuff. As a result, many toys were flat-out dangerous. One person confesses to sticking their fingers into the propeller of their friend’s remote-controlled plane, which earned the young man a swift trip to the hospital to receive two dozen stitches. Ouch!
9. A Box Fan
Speaking of the 80s, here’s another excellent example of the subpar safety standards for everyday household appliances. “I stupidly tried to touch the blades of a box fan,” reveals one woman. “Decades later I still have the scar on my finger. Tons of blood. My finger went numb. Didn’t go to the hospital. Mom just cleaned it and put a band aid.”
10. A Porta-Potty
This entry is self-explanatory, and I can imagine everyone nodding along solemny as I explain that when your cell phone accidentally falls into a Porta-Potty, you can’t just leave it in there. You have to fish it out. It may be gross, but it’s way better than buying a new phone, right?
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