Comedian George Carlin has a famous quote: “Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” This prompted an online discussion to find examples that validate this view. Here are the top responses.
That’s Not How You Get Vitamin D
A physician mentions how a patient read that Vitamin D can increase resistance against COVID-19. The patient’s plan? To “collect” as much light with their eyes as possible by staring at the sun for 60 seconds.
They burned holes into their retinas and are now blind.
English: The True Language of God
According to this person, English is “the true language of God because The Bible is written in English.”
Someone should tell them that The Bible was originally written in Latin.
Now Boarding Trains to Hawaii
One person decided not to fly to Hawaii for their honeymoon to save money. Instead, they were looking to take a train, as they were short on cash.
They were unable to find any trains traveling to the Hawaiian islands. I can’t imagine why.
Stupid People Travel Tips
One person who used to work in travel mentions a couple of examples of the “winners” they encountered:
“No, there are in fact no ocean bound cruises leaving from Arizona.”
“No, the airport is closed due to hurricane/flood/ice and you cannot demand a flight on a different carrier out of the same airport in the next hour (also no, you did not just see someone book this).”
The Heart Is Where Feelings Come From
Someone’s former college classmate is confused about the concept of heart transplants.
According to their classmate, they shouldn’t be allowed because “that’s where the feelings are,” and the person receiving the heart wouldn’t be the same anymore.
Cold Showers Only
Personally, I like a cold shower. My wife, on the other hand, likes it scalding hot. This person had a friend who didn’t know the latter was an option.
“Friend of mine showered in cold water for a year cause he never thought of turning the other tap to see what it would do.”
Boss, You Don’t Need to Water Those
Everyone’s heard a story about someone trying to eat plastic fruit. But what about watering plastic plants?
“Old boss had a morning routine of walking around the office with a bucket. He was watering all of the plastic flowers.”
Adventures At The DMV
Everyone has a horror story about their time at the DMV. For one person, it’s about the time they automatically failed a test.
One person recounts such a tale: “I was waiting in a room with the computers that people use to take the written portion. The clerk sat a man down looked him in the eyes and said “if you pull your phone out it’s an automatic fail.” The window licker says “aight” while pulling out his phone and immediately failing.”
911, What’s Your Emergency?
When calling 911, you should ensure you’re using it for emergencies. One person mentions the “emergencies” they experienced as a 911 operator.
“People call 911 to ask whether Walmart is open. To report that they didn’t get enough mayo on their burger. To complain that cleanup at a fatality wreck is taking too long. All sorts of silly, out of touch stuff.”
Sorry Wrong Number
Do you ever get telemarketing texts asking for somebody else? At least they don’t get mad at you for being the wrong number.
“Getting a misdialed call from a random person who gets mad at you because you’re not the one he/she was looking for,” explained one person. “Happens with me several times a year.”
Why Won’t The Birds Visit My Yard?
One person mentions how a neighbor is upset that, despite their best efforts, birds won’t flock to their yard.
“I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field,” — local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around.”
A New Vegetarian Diet
If you ever worked in a retail environment, chances are you’ve encountered some winners. However, this one might take the cake.
“One employee came to the back room while I was on break and asked what I was eating. Somehow the topic turned to how I should’ve brought chicken for lunch because she wanted chicken. I told her I was vegetarian and therefore don’t eat meat….
She tells me chicken is NOT meat. It’s “poultry,” and vegetarians can eat poultry??? She said at the grocery store the aisles list “meat” and “poultry” separately so they’re obviously different. We argued for a couple of minutes before I finally told her to go back to the sales floor. She didn’t last at the job long.”
How Much Does This Cost
Sometimes, retail customers are worse than employees who don’t last a month. For example, this worker explains a situation where a customer was curious about the price of an item.
“It’s $9.99, ma’am.”
“HOW DID YOU KNOW?”
“It says so on the price tag, ma’am.”
Watch Out For That Bee Sting
Did you ever wonder why you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it? This person learned the reason from someone trying to pick up women on public transportation.
“You know the reason you bury a rattlesnake after you kill it is because bees will eat it, then bees can sting people with rattlesnake venom.”
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