Luke Skywalker. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Darth Vader. Few names are more recognizable in the entire world than those of Star Wars characters. They’re iconic. Evocative, dramatic, and just alien enough to excite the imagination, these names are beloved parts of pop culture.
But while these names have entered the cultural lexicon, there are many more that haven’t. As a result, many of the characters who share the screen with our favorite heroes have names that aren’t as appealing or powerful.
As much as it is known for its memorable monikers, Star Wars is also infamous for having some of the most ridiculous names in all of fiction. Here are the top ten most ridiculous names we have found.
10. Droopy McCool
Arguably, one of the critical Rules of Cool is that it’s supremely uncool to declare yourself cool. If that’s true, Droopy has violated that rule so entirely that he’s circled round and come out the other side.
To be fair, Droopy is only his stage name. His legal name is Snit, though that’s not much better. Perhaps, in his native Kitonakian, it is more mellifluous. Either way, Droopy is how he’s best known.
Droopy is famous for being the flutist in the Max Rebo band. He’s essentially the Jethro Tull of Tatooine! But fame is not enough to fill the aching pit of loneliness that exists in all of us, which Droopy found especially difficult to bear. Claiming he could hear the distant calls of his kind out beyond the horizon, Droopy set off into the desert night, never to be seen again. Some say he’s still out there playing his flute to this day.
9. Elan Sleazebaggano
Everyone’s favorite death stick dealer, Elan Sleazebaggano, has a name perfectly suited to his profession. Appearing in Attack of the Clones, Elan’s closest brush with fame happened when he attempted to sell death sticks to Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.
However, Obi-Wan knew that Elan could rise above the prejudice of his name. With two sentences and a little help from the Force, he is inspired by Obi-Wan to go home and rethink his life. Elan’s easy agreement could be the sign of a weak mind, sure, but could it not also suggest someone yearning for permission to do better? Someone longing for the faith of a friend? Someone wanting change?
Elan may be a Sleazebaggano, but that doesn’t mean he has to be a sleaze bag forever.
8. Ima-gun Di
Alas! Poor Ima-Gun Di. We hardly knew ye. Yet another resident of that distant galaxy whose name seems to preconceive his fate is Ima-Gun Di (pronounced I’m-a gon’ die). Ima-Gun is a Jedi master who met death in the same episode of The Clone Wars that audiences first met him.
A contemporary of Qui-Gon Jinn but surprisingly longer-lived, Di was instrumental in the defense of Ryloth during the Clone Wars. He fought bravely to the end, fighting alongside his clone commander Keeli. Then, in true Jedi fashion, he sacrificed himself so that others might live.
Perhaps, to anyone else, a name like Ima-Gun Di would be a burden, but a Jedi may see it as a blessing. Di’s ability to embrace his end so thoroughly that it becomes his identity is profound and transcendent, a particularly Jedi response to mortality. After all, there is no death. There is only the Force.
7. Korkie Kryze
Look. I know. I know – I love Korkie Kryze as much as anyone. More than anyone. He’s one of my favorite characters. But I cannot defend his name. Korkie? Korkie? It sounds like the college nickname given to the freshman who got so wasted on rosé during Rush week that he passed out in the janitor’s closet after mistaking it for his dorm. It’s hardly the romantic name of a literary hero or the cut-glass name of a Mandalorian warrior. And honestly, can you see Obi-Wan agreeing to name his kid that? He obviously was not consulted.
Most known for stopping an elaborate juice conspiracy and toppling a corrupt Prime Minister, Korkie first appeared in The Clone Wars season two. We last saw him being beat into the concrete while attempting to rescue his aunt, Satine Kryze, the Duchess of Mandalore. After that, his fate is a mystery. Bo-Katan (Korkie’s other aunt) claims she is the last of her line, but no one is ever truly dead in Star Wars.
Maybe at some point, he’ll return, and we’ll discover that this was all just a big misunderstanding. Maybe Korkie is actually just a cute diminutive for something elegant, like Korcyn. Or solid and straightforward, like Kor, fitting in with other Mandos we know, such as Din, Pre, or Paz. After all, koor in Mando’a means “promise,” and kih means “little.” Mandalore’s “little promise” may have a grander fate than even Bo-Katan can imagine for him.
But you know what, now that I think of it, maybe his name is more appropriate to the privileged heir of House Kryze. After all, Korkie does fit in with the weird names of New England country clubbers. Buffy, Skip, and Mindy would totally hang out on their space yacht with Korkie Kryze, son – I mean, nephew – of the Duchess of Mandalore.
6. Slowen Lo
I’ll bet you anything Mr. Lo knows how to cook a mean pork loin. But whatever ideas his name might evoke upon first hearing it, Slowen Lo defies expectations. A resident of the pleasure planet Canto Bight, Lo made his fortune selling driftwood sculptures to wealthy tourists.
Though he’s not a significant player in the Resistance, his path does cross with our heroes when he has a brief run-in with Finn and Rose on the beach. Their illegally parked spacecraft leads him to contact the police.
While, at first, this may seem like some overbearing HOA-Karen kind of behavior, I think it’s possible to infer a more nuanced motive. Slowen is a being who has spent his life on the beach and who made his fortune from reclaimed and recycled goods. He respects nature. He reveres it. Witnessing these interlopers so callously disregard local policy and potentially endanger the delicate ecosystem of this public beach must have been highly distressing.
His mission is one of environmental protection. We can genuinely appreciate and admire such a goal as we begin to understand our path must soon merge with his. While Finn and Rose may have the excitement, Slowen Lo has a purpose less flashy but just as noble!
5. Whorm Loathsom
This poor dude. I know he’s a Separatist and war-monger and that he believes the clones to be little more than cannon fodder, but with a name like that, I think anyone would be bitter.
As a member of the Retail Caucus, Loathsom was a staunch capitalist. His experiences there, creating strong marketing campaigns to appeal to the general public, helped fashion him into a cunning wartime strategist. As a Separatist leader, Loathsom is infamous for targeting and killing civilians. Luckily, despite a change in the job description, he doesn’t have to adapt to a new demographic!
Though his cruelty is well known, the Republic respects him for his skill. However, there is a question about how difficult it is to destroy unarmed women and children. To bring him down, the Jedi eventually dispatch Kenobi and Skywalker.
When they meet, Obi-Wan demonstrates his brand of cunning. At the same time, General Loathsom can prove the height of his own sophistication by sharing a cup of tea with the Jedi. What a perfectly civil end to a perfectly polite monster.
4. Jek Tono Porkins
Porkins, nicknamed “Piggy,” in case you didn’t get the joke the first time, was a trader from Bestine. But when the Empire moved in, he moved out. Joining the Rebellion, he became a pilot for the Starfighter Corps. It was here he met Biggs Darklighter, and they became good friends.
Cocky and teasing, Porkins never missed an opportunity to joke with his mates or have a good time. There was not a party Porkins would say no to, and even the night before what would be his final battle, good ol’ Jek was handing out the brewskies to his boys.
Though his name has some less than positive connotations, Porkins found grace and honor in the skies while living it up on the ground. Popular and respected, the Rebellion swore to avenge Porkins’ death and did so about three seconds later.
This revenge was not tribute enough, so the Resistance also remembered the fallen pilot by naming an aerial maneuver after him. The Porkins Belly Run will forever commemorate this brave warrior, the Rebellion’s best friend, Jek.
3. Biggs Darklighter
Apparently, like attracts like. Perhaps Biggs and Jek first bonded over their equally silly names. Maybe Jar-Jar and Grebleips are similarly destined to be besties! Either way, Biggs makes our list mainly on the strength of his last name, though his first is also silly.
In the vein of many Tatooine names we know, Biggs’ surname combines two words that evoke an image or a concept. However, unlike the mythic elegance of Whitesun or Skywalker, Darklighter primarily produces confusion. It’s dark but…lighter.
Honestly, I think even Darkdarker would be better. At least you can imagine that. Darker darkness. A vacuum, maybe. A black hole. The void of space. The emotional depth of a moody teenager. But Darklighter is just inane. I lose sleep thinking about it.
2. Salacious B. Crumb
Salacious Crumb is a jester in the court of Jabba the Hutt and owner of the best laugh in the Galaxy Far, Far Away. I’m not sure whether to call it infectious or alarming, but there’s no denying Salacious Crumb’s manic giggling is memorable. Nearly as unique as his name!
Indeed, there is no appellation more fitting to a cruel clown than Salacious. Much like Sleazebaggano, it captures precisely the vibes of what this little dude is about. He’s always waiting, always watching for some poor creature to meet a terrible fate at Jabba’s whim. He could only be more appropriately named if he was called Schadenfreude B. Crumb. But that was probably too on the nose, even for George.
Spending most of his time in Return of the Jedi just chilling in the curl of Jabba’s tail and cackling away, Mr. Crumb does little to engender the audience’s sympathy. But if only they knew the terrible weight on Salacious B’s shoulders. Doomed to Jabba’s service, Crumb lives only as long as he can make Jabba laugh. If one day he should fail in that task, his life is forfeit. Can we blame him then for taking joy wherever he can find it?
Living on rumor and stray bits of Jabba’s inconstant generosity, Salacious B. Crumb certainly earns his name. I also really like the B there. That middle initial gives him a real sense of dignity. An aristocratic air, if you will.
S.B. Crumb sounds like a fine, upstanding fellow who probably dines at the Criterion of an afternoon. Maybe one day, after Jabba’s dead and he is free again, Salacious can embrace the more refined things long denied him. No longer a jester, but a king!
1. Every Single Person on the Dark Side
I’m not the first to notice or acknowledge it, but the point still stands – every single dark sider’s name is just a word with the in- prefix taken off it. In-Sidious. In-Vader.
Okay, it’s not In-Maul or In-Savage, but it’s not like those names are particularly subtle either. No, not even if you pronounce Savage like the French. You cannot convince me it’s clever just because it sounds European!
I did some deep-dive research on this; to be fair, it is interesting if you like etymology, which I do. So buckle up.
Now, the prefix in– comes from the Proto-Indo European en, meaning in, at, or on, which often modifies words to indicate proximity. So insidious, for example, at its root, means “to sit on” while also carrying the more common definition of something evil lying in wait. Fascinating then, is it not, that it is Darth Sidious who sits on the throne of the Empire? Hm?
Invader comes from vadere, meaning “to walk.” It shares the same root as the word vamoose. Just think! If things had been only a little different, we could all be clamoring to see Hayden Christensen come back to give us more of our favorite boy, Darth Vamoose. I mean, he’s Canadian too, so it’s fitting.
Sadly, Ventress breaks this pattern. Unless, of course, she moonlights as a maker of new things, filing patents and inventing all sorts of handy new tools for mayhem and torture. It’s a tedious job, but then Obi-Wan seems to be asking for it. There was never anyone more inspiring of his own torment than he, and of all the villains, Ventress does seem up for the job!
Honorable Mentions
The Galaxy Far, Far Away is a big place. While it is full of heroes whose names we recognize and idolize, it is also filled with names we do not.
Honorable mentions go to my boy Lobot – it is “robot,” but with an L. And he’s not even a robot. He’s just a man.
And also to – let me make sure I’m spelling this right – J’ywz’gnk Kchhllbrxcstk Et’nrmdndlcvtbrx, also known as Joh Yowza.
Finally, I’d like to take this moment to acknowledge Mos Eisley Citizen (special edition). It’s a less common family name for Tatooine, but I suppose Specialedition might be the more traditional spelling. Perhaps he just changed it to make it more accessible for us. Whatever the case, these beautiful names are all worthy of our recognition though they didn’t quite make the list. Maybe next time!
Until then, may we continue to honor these characters with the most ludicrous names in the galaxy. And may we tell their stories and speak their names with all the verve and reverence we give to Baby Yoda. I mean Grogu. Whatever.
This article was produced and syndicated by Wealth of Geeks.
